Express yourself, don't repress yourself!

I watch you ...

2006-03-14T18:08:00.000+01:00

I watch you as you enter my life
bringing smile into my world.

I watch you being part of me
giving me your heart and soul.

I watch you as time passes by
watching me as well

I watch you getting older with me
having still that sparkle in your eye.

I watch you as you leave me
thinking how will I get by

I watch you as I join you there
at that special place beyond the time!

You know you live in the 21st century when:

2006-01-30T21:12:00.000+01:00

1. you accidently type in password in your microwave
2. you haven't played pasians with real cards in ages
3. you have a list of 15 phone numbers in order to get to your 3 family members
4. you are sending an e-mail to a person sitting at the desk next to you
5. the only reason you don't keep in touch with family and friends is coz they don't have an e-mail
6. you have parked in front of your own house, taking out your cell phone and calling to see if there's anyone in the house to help u take out groceries from the car
7. every TV add has a web address at the bottom of the screen
8. leaving a house without your cell phone is a reason for panicing ( although u haven't had one for the first 10, 20, 30 ... years of your life) and a reson for you to come back home and take it
10. you get up in the morning and log on internet before having ur morning coffee
11. you start to turn ur head from left to right in order to laugh
12. you read this, nod your head and smile.
13. even worse, you know exactly who you will send this text to
14. you are so busy that you haven't noticed that number 9 from this list is missing!
15. you have stopped to check if number 9 is really missing :P

Now you laugh to yourself!

New Year has come .. what now?

2006-01-05T20:35:00.000+01:00

Is it better to constantly post something on your blog just for the sake of it or should I just constrain myself until the time is right when I would actually have something smart to say!?

This thought has always been on my mind whenever I was going through my friend's blogs. Those people seem to have a whole time in the world to write and post. I kinda envy them.

For our mortals that don't have non stop strikes of inspiration, we blog from time to time. Only when we have something smart to say. Like now, hehe :) Yeah right, some would say ... what smart things has this blondie said in these last few lines!?

Well, New Year has started ... another 365 days of not knowing what you can expect from your life. You know, to be honest, I am totally not afraid of what life will bring to me. I try to embrase all the good and bad that happens. No point of freaking out and saying to yourself: oh why this happened to me, bla bla .... well it did ... so get over it and get out of it as much as u can ;)

I have read some of the New Year's resolutions some of friends wrote. Not bad ... gets me thinking whether I should do the same. Although knowing myself, those would change like zillion times before the year finishes:)

There are some things that may not be resolutions but some guidelines of what I should keep in mind for this year:
* visit at least 1 foreign country where I have my very good friends
* do not let laziness of some of my friends and their not wanting to go out keep my spirit down
* do not let my business life effect my personal life
* I know some people would want me to want to get married and have kids, right Hishem;) but I still wouldn't want to go that far .... maybe just to finally settle down with somebody .. dunno with who yet but I know when time comes, I will know.

Well ... I think this would be it. Maybe I would think of something else along the way. I don't want to make a huuuuuuuuge list and not do anything.

What are your resolutions? What do you want?

What am I to you ....

2005-10-10T20:30:00.000+02:00

I reign the light as an angel bright

I reign the moon throughout the night.

I fly across the mountains high along with rulers of the sky

I swim through oceans deep and wide where nothing stops my star shine bright.

I stand on the peak of the world where nobody can reach me

I dine at the bottom of the ground where everybody comes around.

Sometimes I' here

sometimes I'm there

sometimes you miss me

sometimes you don't care

But one thing no one can't deny

And that is that you just can't hide

from my sight and from my voice

speaking to you in a sweet force

taking you along my side

showing you the world's delight

You know you are Croatian when:

2005-09-27T22:24:00.000+02:00

I know it has been a while since I wrote anything on this blog .... no inspiration .... nothing wise to say .... whatever the reason was ... today I have found something really cool I want to post.
Many people have asked me how are Croatians ... what do we like, what pisses us off, what are our habits, etc.
I think that the following examples will give a quite honest and pretty ironic perspective of my people:) Enjoy

YOU KNOW YOU'RE CROATIAN WHEN:

All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient "Vegeta"

You were still in elementary school the first time you got drunk

You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (even in the middle of summer)

There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2 year supply of Brandy

The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable, unless it is Croatian

English words are acceptable if used with the ending "A-T-I" which makes them Croatian..."play-ati", "study-ati"

Your Dida mowes the lawn in knee high black socks and sandals

Your Dida has a shot of Rakija for breakfast

At least one family member makes his own wine

"Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well

At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and dances

Your parents were at the function where you got drunk

The majority of your friends are also your relatives, even if they aren't your relatives, you refer to their parents as "Teta" and "Striko"

You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska Skola"

"Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when there is no "siba" handy

At least once before you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and your parents said "Samo probaj"

Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion

When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings(regardless of age): -"Pazi sta radis", "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj da ja sta cujem"

Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama will know before you make it home
Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj junk?"

Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from "fakultet"

Lunch on Sundays has more courses than Americans have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner

You know that in addition to fruit flavoured Jello, that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs feet

You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarassed if someone asked you what it was

There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA

Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher

Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand

You have at least one short-wave radio in your house

You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you sitting on the bench in church on Sunday mornings

You live with your parents until you are married

Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because you didn't eat enough

When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u pizdu materinu"

Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in all seasons

Dida and/or Baka spits into a napkin at the dinner table

Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing scene

Dida & Baka insist you are quiet while he watches the news even though he doesn't understand a single word they're saying. Regardless of the fact he doesn't understand what they're saying, he knows more about what's going on in the world than you do

You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama and Tata as you were growing up

Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that it meant "NO!"

Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him money had a cell phone before you and wears only name brand clothing

Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you are not married by the age of 18

You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland

You have 17 consenants in your name and only 2 vowels

Your 13 yr old sister can outdrink any American

You cringe when you hear the word BATINE and hide

Your parents still prefer buying cassete's over cd's

No one can pronounce your last name and every kid on the block has a nickname for it

A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 1000 people, 2/3 of which you dont even know

......You're still laughing your ass off cause u know every single one of these are true!!!!!

Les Fleurs du Mal

2005-06-23T17:58:00.000+02:00

One of my favourite poets all times definitely has to be Charles Baudelaire and his unevitable "Les Fleurs du Mal". I already have 1 of his songs on my blog and now I would like to share with you another one that I like:

Exotic parfume

" When with closed eyes in autumn's eves of gold

I breathe the burning odours of your breast,

Before my eyes the hills of happy rest

Bathed in the sun's monotonous fires, unfold.

Islands of Lethe where exotic boughs

Bend with their burden of strange fruit bowed down,

Where men are upright, maids have never grown

Unkind, but bear a light upon their brows.

Led by that perfume to these lands of ease,

I see a port where many ships have flown

With sails outwearied of the wandering seas;

While the faint odours from green tamarisks blown,

Float to my soul and in my senses throng,

And mingle vaguely with the sailor's song. "

The Daffodils

2005-06-23T17:41:00.000+02:00

I have had many professors throughout my life but only few of them have left a mark on me ... good mark that is ;) I guess it takes a lot from a person to impress me and make me realize how little I know. If you have ever experienced Croatian teaching methods, you will know what I'm talking about.

One of those professors who tought me a big deal was my highschool English teacher. I adored that woman. Sure, she was dressed as an English lady from the 60s with her English horse teeth and cockney accent and everybody hated her ... but me, I thought and still think she was one of the best professors I have ever had. Unlike other teachers (esp those in foreign languages), she was always teaching us other things to better understand the language, like making us read their literature, English history, English food and customs, etc.

I remember how much she was pushing us to read Shakespeare and other famous English poets. Just imagine a situation where you have people in the class that can barely understand the language itself and having to read old English (Shakespearean English) at the same time. Really funny, hillarious moreover.

There were many poems and novels she was making us read but the most memorable one is this poem from William Wodsworth which we had to learn by heart and I remember that on the last English class as a farewell present, whole class reciteled this poem and made our teacher cry out of happiness.

Funny thing is that if you now ask me to tell you this poem, I'd still probably know it by heart ;)

Let's see why this song made such big impression on me:

The Daffodils

" I wondered lonely as a cloud

that floats high over vailey and hills

When all at once I saw a crowd

a host of golden daffodils.

Beside the lake, beneath the trees

fluterring and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine

and twinkle on the Milky Way

They stretch in neverending line

along the margin of a bay.

Ten thousand saw I at a glance

tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced

but theys outdid the sparkling waves in glee.

A poet could not but be gay

in such a jocund company.

I gazed and gazed but little thought

what wealth the joy to me had brought.

For oft when on my coach I lie

in vacant or in pensive mood

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude.

And then my heart with pleasure fills

and dances with the daffodils."

William Wodsworth

Things that really go on my nerves

2005-06-20T21:57:00.000+02:00

- people that have graduated before me only coz they paid for their diploma and now are doing their masters and pretending to be important businessmen

- 4 identical girlfriends look alike (e.g. J Lo style) walking one next to another on Osijek promenade and then say it was only an accident that all 4 wore exactly that evening pink t shirt, washed jeans and jeans jacket, pink shoes and pink bag and extremely pink make up .. yeah right ... totally accidently :P

- people who are only your friends when they are single and when they have somebody, they don't have time for you anymore

- guys that check out my boobs in a way I notice that or when they give such stupid comments that make me feel sorry for their taking away the breathing space on this small planet

- people who pass you by and whisperly say HI. Either u say HI like a normal person so I can hear you or shut up and pretend you don't know me

- when I really want to talk to somebody and nobody's there and when I need my peace, everybody's talking to me

- fact that I don't listen to my 1st impression instinct when I meet a guy. It always turns out to be the right one but then again ... how the hell could I've known that then!?

- people that have 1 brand outfit and then are wearing it all the time until I can smell them from mile away

- when people don't want to admit they listen to folk music and then I see them going out of the club where only folk music is being played OR folk music is heared from their car ... just be true to yourselves!

- when all my relatives (esp old ones) ask me when I'll get married! I mean do I ask you when your funeral will be!? Find another excuse of occasion to eat and drink for free!

I can't think of anything else for now ....

Few lessons about Croatians

2005-06-19T21:33:00.000+02:00

What are the things that should really matter in life?

U know ... I have met people from all around the world and it's really amazing how Croatian people differ from the rest of the world. It's like everybody else has 1 opinion abt a certain matter and we Croatians would think something else. For example, people that have fascinated me the most are the ones from South America and Africa. I mean, I just love them. They try to live a simple life, their family and their friends are their top priority and material things are nice but not a necessity. I like to spend time with them because they make me feel happy, they make me forget abt how life really can suck sometimes. In this case, they remind me a lot of Croatians.

Croatian people have become so obsessed with material things that they forgot abt those basic aspects that should matter us the most. I can't deny that money doesn't make ur life easier but it also can't make you happy as ur friends and ur family's happiness, fact that you know that they are ok, that they are happy and that they love you as much as u love them.
I remember when I was a kid (before the war) that people had more friends then they do now. Before people cared for their close ones more then they do now. Before people lived a better and happier life. Those basic things were our top priorities.

Now, we are like the Europe we so much strive to be part of. But 1 thing we forgot is that although we can learn from Europe in many ways, they are the ones that have realized what should really mean to them. We strive so much to be loved, moreover to be adored, to be cool or I dunno what else, but actually we turn out funny .. hillarious.

Everybody says my country is not rich. I mean, before everybody had money. Was really unbelievable. Now, they say that ur either rich or poor. But u know, I don't see poor people in my country. U know why? Coz everybody is dressed in top brands, drive coolest cars, have newest cell phones and are spending money like crazy. So how can you tell me that this country is poor?

But u know what? They are right.
If u could just see :
- the bank account of those people, how much in minus they are, how many credits, loans and morgages they have
- how their fridge is empty but they are still spending money in nice restauarants
- how they buy Marlboro cigarettes and when they finish the box, they buy some cheap ones and place them in this Marlboro packet
- how their cars (BMW, VW, Audi, Mercedes) are always on red (means no fuel) but why is that important when they have this car
- how they have 1 brand shirt (e.g. Diesel) which they bought in Bosnia on flee market and on which this sign Diesel is spread all along the shirt so that everybody can see how they have money
etc etc

Do u get the pic abt Croatians?

But don't worry. It's not all that black. I'm also very proud to be Croatian. I love mentality of our people, our hospitality, our sense of humour even in fucked up times. I love the fact that my people are so cool. And I like the fact that everytime we go abroad, we have a lot of success. Our students abroad graduated with honors, our computer scientists are 1 of the best in the world. I love the fact that my people invented some of the cool things we have today like electricity, tie (i guess all men are thankful for that hehe) etc.

It's not that bad being a Croatian. I mean we could've been something else ......

Guide into the amazing world of Taya

2005-06-13T23:20:00.000+02:00

Me, myself & I,
originally uploaded by taya81.

Do I really like to be that different?

Well, I don't like to be as everybody .... it's not that this is my rebelious way of saying: I'm perfect and you all suck! or It's either my way or no way! I just have different perception of some things that majority has. One thing that differs me from others is this blog.

All my friends that write blog are using it as some online thingy that is just a another excuse in order not to get in touch with their friends but is more like:

"Hey I'm writing my blog so if you wanna know what's up with me and what's new, please check it".

Come on!!! You really are THAT busy that you can't find time to speak to your friends, to write them 1 short mail saying something like:

Hej my friend,

althought it's been a while I just wanted to say Hi and to let you know I think of you.

THE END

Is that so hard to do from time to time? Do we really have so many good friends that there is NO chance to do something like this?

I don't know abt you people but I don't have that many friends. I mean, I am good with hell of a lot people and I love them a lot but to define a person as my friend, only few people are there in this world that I consider to be my true friends. Another thing is the english language. For them everyone is a friend, a buddy, a pal ... in Croatian language is much easier. We have different words for different stages of friendship. Anyway, that was not my point.

So why is my blog different? Ever since I was little and felt something was bothering me or making me happy/sad/etc. I had this little notebook that I was writing all those things in it. I still have it and until some time ago, I never showed it to anyone. Why? I guess this was my own private world ... the only private thing where nobody can put their nose in and see how I really am.
I think that not many people know how I am exactly, who am I.

Anyway, a while ago, I decided to share things I have been writting down in all those years and by doing that, I may be able to help somebody in some way. Maybe you will find something in my blog that will make you think, that will make you happy or will make you sad. Whatever the reason is, it will make you read it.

This blog represent me, my feelings, my emotions and every post reflects my personal state of mind at the time posted. This blog is not my journal, it will not tell you what I ate that day or who I met but it will show you things deeper then that ... my soul.

Therefore, if you run into something that made any kind of impression on you, feel free to share your emotions and feelings.

So my friends .... if you wanna know what's up with me, let's catch on msn, mail, phone, coffee but not here. Here read me not about me.

Hope you will enjoy

SAMO PONEKAD NA TVOJ ROĐENDAN

2005-06-09T17:49:00.000+02:00

"LAŽ JE DA NIKAD NE PREBOLIŠ NEKOGA TKO TE OSTAVI
JER KADA PRESTANEŠ DA VOLIŠ SVE SE TO BRZO ZABORAVI.

LAŽ JE DA PREDUGE SU NOĆI KADA SI NAPUŠTEN I SAM
EVO VEĆ GODINE SU PROŠLE A JA O TEBI NE RAZMIŠLJAM.

SAMO PONEKAD NA TVOJ ROĐENDAN OSJETIM BOL U GRUDIMA
SAMO PONEKAD NA TVOJ ROĐENDAN OSJETIM DA NEMAM NIKOGA.

LAŽ JE DA ŽIVJET NEĆEŠ MOĆI SVE SU TO SMJEŠNE ZABLUDE
UVIJEK ĆE DRUGA LJUBAV DOĆI VRIJEME JE STARI PRIJATELJ.

KADA ME PITAJU ZA TEBE VIŠE MI GLAS NE ZADRHTI
JER JEDNOM UGAŠENA VATRA VIŠE SE NIKAD NE ZAPALI.

SAMO PONEKAD NA TVOJ ROĐENDAN OSJETIM BOL U GRUDIMA
SAMO PONEKAD NA TVOJ ROĐENDAN OSJETIM DA NEMAM NIKOGA."

Plavi Orkestar

..... G .....

2005-06-08T23:18:00.000+02:00

When you care for someone
shouldn't you feel hurt
when seeing that person
with another walking
towards you!?

When you say you like someone
shouldn't you feel butterflies
in your stomach
everytime he calls you!?

If I don't feel all that
why am I wasting my time?
Am I just holding to something
that doesn't really exist!?
Am I just hoping secretly
that something will change!?

Avalances of emotions
are running through me
making me shiver
making me mad
Why can't I just close a chapter
and move on!?

Play the game (if you know the rules)

2005-05-26T18:50:00.000+02:00

What am I to you? Just another number ... just another price
Come on baby take a shot, throw your lucky dice.

Tell me I'm the one even though you'll lie
Tell me all I want to hear , it's not that hard to try.

Hug me one more time, say u'll always be there
Kiss me two more times, as if u really care.

Play the game, don't act so shy
Give all your best, ask later why.

Today be mine, tomorrow leave
play the game, make me believe.

That you know the rules, that your game is fair
Lets play the game ... truth or dare ;)

I wish you knew how much you mean to me

2005-05-24T21:13:00.000+02:00

I wish I was the sun, to fill your life with light

I wish I was the moon, the one you rely on in the dark night.

I wish I was a star making your road all bright

I wish I was a river, washing away bad and leaving only the right.

However, I'm only little girl giving you her heart

Being by your side all day and night

Holding your hand, helping you out

So keep me to yourself and hold me tight.

Fear or illusion!?

2005-03-13T20:05:00.000+01:00

Outside you play so brave
Inside breaking down in half
Your smile appears so bitter
Why you act all the time!?

You think you'll be left alone!?
Never again find true love!?
Come on, you should know better then that
Wake up and smell the life!

Sometimes life can be pretty
even more it can be rough
You really think you're better off with him
fighting 2 fights in 1!?

Remember when we were out last night
and ran across your guy?
He acted as if you're a stranger
just another number on his dial!

Sometimes I admire how much
you believe in love
but more times I pity you
for being a marionette in life.

If you really think being with him
is better then being alone,
continue playing the game
but don't you think that
being alone and being with him
eventually comes down to the same!?

13.03.2005

The Man You Say You Are

2005-03-09T21:44:00.000+01:00

Look at me,

look deep inside my eyes

look at all this pain

all the scars on my heart!

See what you have done

See how much of man you are

Don´t turn your glance aside

Don´t say you are afraid now!

I tried to tell you so many times

to stop, to let me go

But you never listened to me

Never said that you were wrong!

Say, say, say .. just that you were wrong!

Show, show, show .. that you still have a soul!

Be, be, be .. be a man you say you are!

Break, break, break .. this fence around your heart!

08.03.2005

Rollercoaster

2005-02-17T21:58:00.000+01:00

I'm breaking in half
maybe even more
my eyes start to close
my mind starts to turn
around, around, around we go
when this will stop, I really don't know.

My legs start to shake
my balance's getting lost
I wanna stay awake
but I keep walking like a ghost
around, around, around I go
please make me stop, I can't do this no more.

I keep spinning around and around
the earth keeps moving and I keep losing the ground
please won't you stop this rollercoaster in my mind?

Just to give all of u insight on how I feel today
17th Feb 2005

Let me

2005-02-13T18:29:00.000+01:00

Let me look into your eyes
coz I know just how you feel
don't try to hide your broken heart
try to keep it real.

Your eyes will never lie
no matter how hard you try
they will show how much you're hurting
how much you're breaking down inside.

Your look glances at the distance
as you're trying to call out his name
but your lips stand still as stone
as they refuse to play the game.

Let me look into your eyes
let me try to see your soul
let me fix your broken heart
let me turn you back to whole

13.02.2005

The Ghost

2005-02-10T21:42:00.000+01:00

"Like an angel, feral eyed,

Piercing to your sleeping side,

Gliding down with oily flight

In the inwards of the night,

I shall give you, my dark one,

Kisses frozen as the moon,

Caresses such as snakes give

Slithering round the open grave.

When the livid daylights waken

You will find my place forsaken,

Icy till the evening's here:

As others might with tenderness

Rule your life and your youngness

I shall rule you with a fear. "

Charles Baudelaire

Werewolf

2005-02-10T21:14:00.000+01:00

Night is falling down ... falling down on me.
Darkness is covering the world.
Moon is rising up, dogs start to bark.
Their barking is getting louder .... and louder ....

Louder ...
getting inside of me ...
taking me ...
leading me to them ....
again on that place...
again ... as every night.
I watch them as my eyes flash in the darkness
and their sharp teeth shine as uncarved diamonds.

Suddenly ...
something moves ...
goes away ...
far away from me.
I am left alone in the darkness .... start losing myself and drowning to a dream.
I dream a wonderful dream ... but joy lasts shortly...

I wake up and I see. Night is going away, moon follows her steps....
Is new day coming!?

Blue light

2005-02-09T22:56:00.000+01:00

"Isplivam jednom iz površine zamučene vode i ugledam u daljini plavo svjetlo.

Krenem prema njemu, a ono uzmiče.

Hvatam ga, a nikako da ga stignem.

Plavo svjetlo iz sna me trglo, plavo svjetlo iz djetinjstva me probudilo.

I neću opet krenuti u dubinu bez dna, neću da me vali nose brzinom koraka do sna.

Hoću sustići plavo svjetlo, hoću otkriti njegov sjaj, vjetar dok mi njiše grane, možda me baci njemu u zagrljaj.

Ja hoću sustići plavo svjetlo što oči mi zaslijepi, probuditi hoću život svoj jer ono plavo svjetlo što gori, to je smisao života mog."

Crossroad of life

2005-02-09T22:54:00.000+01:00

I'm walking slowly throughout the paths of life and I arrive to a crossroad. All paths are shiny and bright .... all except one. That path I have chosen. Why? Don't really know. I guess I liked the difference, I guess I liked the darkness. I didn't know what awaites for me ... on that path full of wonderings. I didn't know that I shall see all my sufferings and all my angers. I have seen all the people I have hurt and that have hurt me, and they were dark ... as shadows.
Once again I have stepped into the unknown and have arrived to one place.
It was a huge place with many paths, somewhere around 200. All paths were shiny and bright ... all except one. And that one I have chosen again....

Waiting for Godot

2005-02-09T22:49:00.000+01:00

Waiting for tonight

to bring out the night,

the moon and the stars

that shine so bright.

Waiting for the ship

to sail away

away from reality

into eternity.

Waiting for the ship

that will sail across the sky

across the mountains of cosmic dust

into paradise ... if it still exists.

My poems

2005-02-08T22:12:00.000+01:00

I remember the day I first heard this song. I remember it as if it was today. I was sitting in a classroom in a back row and was trying to write something, something that would make you happy, something that would show how much you mean to me. As my look glanced through the lines, my lips streched in a neverending smile. This song was so perfect, and so about you and me, about how you make me feel.

You would like to hear it, wouldn't you? I can already see a wondering look in your eyes that awaites. Hehe, you always knew how to make me smile. You knew exactly what look you need to show me in order to feel so good, or so miserable.

Well, today is not a good day for that song. Oh no, today is a perfect day for another poem.
Are you ready?
You know, I wish I could be able to write a poem like this. Unfortunately, for that I would need you out of my mind. And that is quite hard. But who knows, maybe one day I will. Sometimes I can't wait for that day to come. Anyway, until it comes, here's a preludium of what you are:

"In my songs forests cry

and moon pales above the clouds

my songs are odes to memories

and some distant, happier rememberings.

In my songs life is full of mistakes

and some new boys with tired looks.

My songs are prayers of a desparate man,

girls tired from ups and downs.

In my songs you don't even have any eyes

and your kisses are hurricanes of wind.

My songs are full of touching

and some other, happier smiles.

In my songs you are just a shadow

butterfly in love with wanderings,

my songs are some sort of remorse

in them I don't even sing about you."

Illusion of perfection

2005-01-11T06:22:00.000+01:00

Dal' uopće ima smisla išta započinjati ... upuštati se u dubokoumne razgovore ...

Reći ti što osjećam besmisleno je ... zato što ni sama ne znam što osjećam.

Možda kada bi me ti ili netko drugi mogao uputiti na pravi put?

Dal' i ti osjećaš tu nerazjašnjivu bujicu osjećaja koja te preplavi svaki put kad ste zajedno?

Dal' ti ikada dođe da je dotakneš i ne puštaš ... da je ljubiš u beskonačnost i dalje ... dok ne postanete jedno?

Dođe! .... no onda se vratiš u stvarnost i shvatiš da se to ne smije dogoditi.

Što činiš?

Odbacuješ je od sebe čekajući bolju ... misleći nešto o čemu ni sam nisi siguran što je to.

Prolaze dani ... mjeseci ... Smatraš da si razumno postupio ...ali zašto uvijek postavljaš sam sebi pitanje: " ŠTO BI BILO KAD ..."

Zašto te je toliko strah probati nešto što je tako predivno ... obuhvatljivo ... savršeno!? Pogledaj oko sebe!

Pogledaj svu tu ljubav i energiju koja samo čeka da joj priđeš i da je obujmiš.

Čemu predomišljanje!?

Čemu ustručavanje!?

Čemu strah!?

Voli jer samo hrabri vole, a kukavice čekaju da budu voljene. Pusti da se tebe voli jer tebe je tako lako voljeti.

Oslušni svoje srce i razum.

Prevagni osjećaje i donesi zaključak.

Pokušaj pokazati ono što zaista osjećaš .... ili možda ne osjećaš ...

Path of my life ...

2005-01-10T05:42:00.000+01:00

Temptation ... pleasure ... satisfaction ... solitude ...

One thing leads to another ... at least in my life. My life is carved with endless paths where each one leads to different road of temptation. Every road gives enormous pleasure, yet so different. I want to take all of them, at least one step at a time.

I remember that how I was growing, I was taking harder and at the same time more tempting paths. The more I was going, more difficult they got and the more I wanted to quit, that less I was giving up.

Till now, I have walked on many paths of temptation. Why? Well, I guess mostly to prove to myself that I can. Not all of them gave me pleasure and satisfaction. Most of them returned me to the starting point, solitude.

However, I don't intend to give up! I know that somewhere there is that one special path waiting for me, the hardest one all, but the one of ultimate satisfaction ...

You are never alone

2004-12-23T05:57:00.000+01:00

Someone, somewhere
Still cares for you
And everytime you feel like getting away
And everytime you want to feel safe and free
Someone, somewhere
Still awaits for you.

... in that special place ...
... with a special gift ...
... for a special friend.

Susret

2004-12-23T05:55:00.000+01:00

Ljubav me nosi na valovima sreće
Do tebe ću doći pred obale raja
Srest ćemo se tamo i zajedno biti
Do svršetka svijeta, do samoga kraja.

Letjet ću preko snježnih planina
Preko gora crnih i dolina zelenih
Jahat ću konje što slobodno jure
U beskrajnost svega, do oblaka nebeskih.

Plivat ću kroz rijeke ledene što jure
Što me nose do najveće sreće
Doći ću do tebe pred vrata raja
Gdje ćemo biti do samoga kraja.

Patnja

2004-12-23T05:53:00.000+01:00

Brod je isplovio iz luke zaborava.
Ja sam na njemu, ti ne.
Putujem u daleki svijet
Do druge osobe koja će me voljeti.

Putujem kroz more zaborava,
Ulazim u luke sreće,
Tražim je, ali nje nema jer ona nestaje,
Odlazi daleko od mene.

Napuštam brod i plovim dalje sama
Okružuje me pusto prostranstvo mora i neba.
Samo smo mi tamo, nas troje i
Zajedno gledamo zalazak sunca.

Spušta se mrak na moru zaborava
Pučine nema, baš nikoga ne vidim.
Mjesec se diže, zvijezde svijetle.
Nestalo je sve, ničega nema ... baš kao ni mene.

27.03.1999.

Mjesečina

2004-12-23T05:47:00.000+01:00

Mjesečina me obasjala onog dana
Kad sam ti rekla sve što me tišti
Zaslijepila me cijelu dok mi prolaze trnci
Odonda sam znala da mi život neće biti isti.

Mjesečina me obasjala onog dana
Kad sam te ostavila u suzama gorkim
Mazila me milo i pazila uvijek
Od svih zala i kapljica kiše mokrim.

Mjesečina me obasjala onog dana
I zadnji je to dan onda bio
Jer tog dana si me ostavio
Iako to nisi htio.

Childhood memories

2004-12-23T05:42:00.000+01:00

When I was a kid
I didn't know a thing
But when I grew bit up
You offered to teach me everything.

I thought you were so clever,
I thought you were so wise
And not even in my wildest dream
Doubted it was all a disguise.

Now when I'm all grown up
And think I know it all
I realize that being a kid
And knowing nothing
Was not so bad after all.

12.10.2004

To you who can see rself between these lines

2004-12-22T08:40:00.000+01:00

You know... I was walking down the street the other day... feeling free and safe from worries of this world.
I was least expecting to see a familiar face.
It was your face that was smiling as you were approaching me.
I said HI and just put my head down.
I was hoping that you would go after me and ask: Why?
But you didnt'! You didn't even care! Or were you just playing that «I don't care about anything» type of guy as you always do?
I don't know what you felt but I heard a crash!
Crash of my heart.
Coz apparently time doesn't heal all wounds...

There she sat ...

2004-12-22T08:35:00.000+01:00

There she sat on the ground .... looking around this beautiful world... thinking to herself: Could this be for real? But it was!
It was so real that she could touch it... smell it... feel it ... everything ... green grass filled with yellow daffodills ... forest beneath the high, snow covered mountain ... lake .... stratching its strength along the margin of her field ...

There ... in this beautiful place ... she was trully happy. Only in this wild and innocent nature could she be free. And she was ..... until that day !

Until the day when someone tried to steel her freedom and her heart ..... until YOU came!

Justify my Love

2004-12-21T07:42:00.000+01:00

Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another!

Desert weap

2004-12-21T07:35:00.000+01:00

Putujem sama kroz sjene pustinje

dok vjetar hladni mrsi mi kose

promatram kišu kako zlobno pada

pod vlažnim mi očima.

U daljini glasan zvuk ... probija se do mene

dok mjesec puni put mi skriva.

Čujem zvuk očajnika i sretnika

kako se skladno izmjenjuju pod vedrim nebom

punom tamnih i sretnih boja.

Utapam se u savršeni sklad pješčane ceste

i mokrog neba dok pjevam o sebi...

Moonlight dance

2004-12-21T07:22:00.000+01:00

Get closer to me baby and feel this vibe

u got me in the mood and I just can't stop right now

feel the earth moving

stars and moon spinning around

as you and me start losing the ground.

Hear the drums get louder

feel your body shaking to their beat

u better get ur act together boy

if u wanna stand all this heat (I know u can)

as we continue to lose the ground.

Come and follow my rhytm boy

all throughout the night (yeah, that's right)

won't u get closer to me my baby

coz I feel damn allright (a-ha)

Let's dance together

swing your body next to mine

let's stay like this my dear

till the end of the time.